Sunday, September 07, 2008

A firm offer

Would this be hard science?

Few things have delighted me as much as the spam that dropped into my in-box this evening. My prestige as a blogger has risen so high that I am now being solicited to do product reviews! Grand new vistas open before me and my excitement reaches unprecedented levels!

I'm the webmaster of . I wanted to know if by any chance you would be interested in doing an unbiased review of one of our products on your blog

If you agree we will send you a product sample so that you can try it and then write a review about it. Please note you won't have to return the product sample after publishing the review.

Please let me know if you are interested.

Thank you

F. B

The pitch is irresistible. I hastened over to to learn the precise nature of my opportunity. What are they asking me to review?

Hey! Check it out! It's a cock ring! But first appearances can be deceiving. It's not just an adjustable plastic tourniquet for your favorite chicken neck. It's a scientific device! Just look at the scientific explanation:
Penis Enhancement Made Simple

Harness the power of
  • Magnets
  • Tourmaline
  • Germanium
To naturally and safely enhance your penis

These 3 materials will constantly provide your penis with amazing benefits. peloop™ is simply worn at the bottom of your penis just like you wear a ring on your finger. It's penis enhancement and penis enlargement made simple.

These materials work by drastically improving the condition of blood inside your penis. Your penis health is as good as the blood health inside it. If you have unhealthy blood in your penis, you will have a weak unhealthy penis BUT if you have healthy blood in your penis, you will have a big, strong and healthy penis. It's that simple.
See? Magnets! And other stuff! Fields and ions!

It's both scientific and simple. This must be the biggest breakthrough in erectile enhancement since Bob started scarfing up Enzyte tablets as if they were breath mints. If only I were both scientific and simple, this would be an ideal match.

Too bad I'm going to have to let this opportunity slide. No doubt the makers of peloop tried to do due diligence before deciding that I was the ideal blogger to evaluate their wares. (Ha! I said “do due”!) Unfortunately, they missed the tiny detail of my being single and unpartnered. (I guess they overlooked my definitive blog post on the topic.) Their tool tool does not fit into my solo lifestyle.

Quel dommage!

Hey! What a coincidence! I just got e-mail from eHarmony. What are the odds?


llewelly said...

What? You? Single? You mean to tell me you've never got it on with a nice curvaceous integral?

Jens Knudsen (Sili) said...


Hmmm - I wonder whether it's possible to generate lists like that with random sciency sounding entries. Actually, that might be what they've done already ...

The Ridger, FCD said...

Tourmaline? Really?

Anonymous said...