In these hectic times, we sometimes forget to mark those special occasions that mean so much to us. First Lady Laura Bush sent me a sweet little note via e-mail the other day and I fear I have neglected to answer it. And now it's too late! Damn.
You see, Laura is planning a special little party in honor of her husband's birthday next week. That's right. Two days after our glorious nation observes the 231st anniversary of its founding, our glorious president reaches his 61st birthday. It's almost too precious!
Dear Zeno,You can imagine how touched I am, since Laura seems to consider me one of their “close friends.” (I'm pretty sure I'm not family, although Bush DNA has been spread around pretty profligately.)
Please help me celebrate a very special birthday.
On July 6, President Bush will turn 61 years old. In our family, birthdays are special occasions that always include family and close friends.
I know George will appreciate receiving warm wishes from loyal supporters on his special day. Please take a moment to add your name to the RNC's e-card.
But what to do? We must think of the proper way to commemorate W's big day. Wouldn't you know it? Laura has a great suggestion. We should send money! Preferably lots of it. The First Lady tried to make it especially easy for those of us who love the president to death to inundate him with our dollars. Imagine how much trouble Laura must have gone to, encoding the HTML embedded in her message so that the click of a mouse would send us off to www.gop.com, the linked website gaping open to swallow up our credit card information. Securely, of course!
And if you can, please consider commemorating President Bush's 61st birthday with a gift our entire Party can share. Your secure online gift of $61 or whatever you can afford—$25, $75, $100, $500 or even $1,000—will go a long way toward helping the RNC lay the foundation for electing more Republicans in the 2007 state and 2008 national elections.Isn't that splendid? I could spend a thousand dollars on, say, a new HDTV for myself, or send it as a token of love and affection to the GOP in honor of W's birthday. And they can use it to get even more Republicans into office. (I hear we lost quite a few of those just last year!)
I'm afraid, however, that I waited too long, because Laura did mention—only in passing and only in a postscript—that there is a deadline for responding to her cheerful birthday plea.
I hope you will add your name to the RNC's Birthday e-card to George today. And thank you for your continued support of the President and our Party.Damn and double damn! I needed to reply by June 28 for my name to appear on the president's birthday card. And here I've gone and procrastinated until the end of the month! Let's see. What is today, anyway?
P.S. In order for your name to be included on the RNC's birthday e-card to President Bush, you must reply to this e-mail by June 28. Please click here to sign the President's birthday card and to make a secure online gift to help lead our Party to victory this fall. Thank you.
It's June 28.
Never mind. I meant to wait till tomorrow. Or at least till hell freezes over.
I think we should all pitch in and send truckloads of shit to be dumped at his front door for his birthday! I would even contribute to that.
Kitty litter for W's birthday gift?
Sounds good to me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. PRESIDENT AND THANK YOU FOR LOVING AMERICA!!!!
AS THE DAY FALLS ON A SUNDAY, WE SHOULD ALL ASK OUR PASTORS FOR SPECIAL PRAYER SERVICES.
FIRST, TO OFFER THANKS AND PRAISE FOR BLESSING US WITH AMERICA'S GREATES PRESIDENT, GEORGE W. BUSH!!!!
THEN, TO HOLD HIM UP FOR FURTHER ANNOINTING AND CONTINUED PROTECTION, FROM THE MACHINATIONS OF PIAPS AND THE TERRORIST!!!!!!
This is excellent, Ralph! You have perfectly mastered the illiterate ALL CAPS style of the unregenerate Bush idolator. Thanks for a great laugh! (If you're serious, that makes it funnier, but also sadder.)
Wait, my cat, Fred the Cat, made something special in his litter box just for the president's birthday. Let me scoop it up and get it right in the mail.
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