Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Triumphalism in a teapot

Another glorious victory

My in-box contains a triumphant declaration of VICTORY in the special election for the 10th congressional district in California. Yes, it was an utter rout of evil liberalism by the heroic conservatives of Move America Forward's Freedom PAC. The brave MAF warriors went into battle against the communists, socialists, atheists, evolutionists, baby-eaters, and Democrats (all pretty much the same thing, you know), and WON despite incredible odds against them!

Exactly how great was MAF's victory? It was SPECTACULAR!

They lost by only two to one.

The reality of the special election results in the 10th congressional district is that Lt. Gov. John Garamendi set himself up for election to the U.S. House of Representatives in the November run-off. In a field of 14 candidates, Garamendi garnered more than one-fourth of the vote. According to the semi-official tally from the California Secretary of State's office, Garamendi garnered the support of 25,329 votes, a 26.15% share of the 96,851 ballots cast.

MAF is having a post-election orgasm because Garamendi did not win more than half the vote and achieve immediate election to the seat vacated by Ellen Tauscher. That's what passes for victory in the ranks of the extreme right-wing these days. (Polls taken in the days before the special election showed Garamendi with 25% of the vote, making his failure to achieve 50%-plus-1 a staggeringly surprising defeat. MAF takes credit!)

In aggregate, the Democrats running to succeed Tauscher racked up 64.55% of the vote while the Republicans managed only 34.37%.

So I lied. The GOP margin of defeat was not quite two to one.


Frankly, I think MAF is thinking too small. Sure, they were unable to stop Sen. Obama from achieving a big victory in last year's presidential race, but it's sad to think of MAF's Freedom PAC being reduced to worrying about local congressional races and squandering their energies on exaggerating huge defeats into astonishing victories. I have some suggestions that MAF might want to take into consideration. Here's a list of stunning victories that I can see in MAF's future:
  • 2010: President Obama does not declare himself World Dictator and High Priest of Satan. MAF takes credit!
  • 2011: Congressional Democrats do not replace “In God We Trust” on the currency with “Darwin is the Prophet of Change.” MAF takes credit!
  • 2012: President Obama wins re-election, but without carrying Alabama or Alaska! MAF takes credit!
  • 2013: Newly elected pope John Paul Benedict I announces he believes in God. MAF takes credit!
Frankly, my dear, my vision is much greater than that of those pikers at Move America Forward.

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