Absentee-minded

Pitching in the Bush league

Fellow citizens, it is time to come to the president's aid in his time of need. Word came out today (March 6, 2006) that George W. Bush has to make a special trip to Texas because he doesn't have an absentee ballot for tomorrow's primary election. Mistakes were made, so the moment has come for excuses. What excuse should the White House give for this new snafu, the latest in an unbroken string of cock-ups, although trivial by comparison with most of the others? Let's put on our thinking caps:

• The president requested an absentee ballot, received it, and has already voted. Reports in the liberal media to the contrary are partisan lies.
• The president meant to miss the primary to avoid taking sides in the contested primary for the gubernatorial nomination.
• The White House staffer who neglected to process the paperwork to request the absentee ballot was distracted by the more urgent responsibility of making excuses for Iraq, Katrina, Medicare Plan D, Social Security “reform,” and the $8.2 trillion federal debt.
• The president didn't need an absentee ballot because he was planning to be in the area anyway because he wanted to check on the reconstruction of New Orleans.
• The White House was surprised that elections were still being held after the Patriot Act was renewed by the 109th (and last) Congress.

My own favorite explanation is different from any of the above:

The White House staff knew the president was about to be on vacation in Crawford soon—perhaps to “clear brush” (whatever that is) again— and could therefore vote in person. After all, George W. Bush is always about to be on vacation in Crawford.

Now what can we do to make him stay there?