The fat man bombs

Time for the milk carton?

I get plenty of junk mail from right-wing sources. It's mostly my own fault. I incautiously signed up for a couple of newsletters and soon I was on a surprising number of mailing lists. Fortunately, the entertainment value is often high enough so that I don't rue the attendant spam. At least, not too much. A real prize popped up in my in-box this weekend. The folks at Townhall.com are giddy with anticipation over the imminent celebration of political irrationality known as CPAC—the Conservative Political Action Conference. They sent out a preliminary fundraiser in the guise of a political poll: “Who do you want the GOP to nominate for President in 2016?” I'm thinking Rick Santorum, because he strikes me as the weakest of the Republican Party's benchwarmers.

But his visage was missing from the rogues' gallery provided in the Townhall e-mail. I search for his insipid grin in vain. Fortunately, there were several other unviable alternatives. However, then I noticed something else. Check out the faces that Townhall deemed worthy of appearing in their solicitation. So you see it? Or, more to the point, not see it?

That's right. No Chris Christie. The man widely regarded as the GOP's 2016 front-runner no longer even qualifies for the party's top nine—at least, not as far as the American Conservative Union is concerned. Do you even recognize the mug shots of those who came in ahead of Christie? Sure, some of the usual suspects have been rounded up: Palin, Bush (Jeb), and Cruz are all there. So are non-starters like Jindal, Rubio, and Perry. Even Ryan and Paul (Rand) get a nod. And, in case you didn't puzzle out his identity, there's Dr. Ben Carson up in the corner, the GOP's token black who isn't even running (although you'll be glad to hear that a group of fans have started a petition drive urging him to get into the race).

Fear not. All is not lost! If you click through to the ACU site, you'll discover that your menu of candidates has been expanded. Fifteen names are offered, and this time Christie makes the cut. So does Santorum! As do Huckabee, Allen West, Scott Walker, and Judge Napolitano (whose first name appears to be “Judge,” in curious contrast to the other candidates). It's a bumper crop of undistinguished right-wing party hacks. Hillary must be pleased.

As for Christie, well, what more can one say about what Townhall did not say? He is no longer a first-tier candidate in their eyes. A lot of water must have gone under the bridge.