Top Secret!

And send money!

What kind of mass-mailing contains a line like the following?

We have already secretly begun work on a TV ad campaign that will keep the heat on Berkeley

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“Secretly”? No doubt it must come from someone who trusts the hundreds (thousands?) of recipients to keep quiet about her secret. A mass e-mailing is secure from prying eyes, right?

What we have here is low-brow comedy.

To be fair, I suppose it's hard work being the political conscience of patriotic America. Poor Melanie Morgan and her Move America Forward front group need lots and lots of money to persuade people that Berkeley is a kooky city. (I would have never guessed!) This relates, of course, to the recent flap over the Berkeley City Council's decision to thumb its collective nose at the Marine recruiting station in their midst. With her own nose trained to the scent of blood and a gift for simulating hysterical outrage, Morgan saw an opportunity to rally her right-wing following and dip into their pockets. After all, we know that municipalities all over America are eager to emulate trendsetting Berkeley unless the heroes of Move America Forward discourage them!

To make this ad campaign successful—in part to make sure no other city in America thinks it is acceptable to repeat Berkeley's actions—we will need to run A GREAT MANY television ads, so as to get our message heard far and wide.

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Yes, indeed, if not for Melanie Morgan and her battalions of hyper-patriots, your city might become another Berkeley! We should all be grateful to her, even if we choose not to click the “Contribute” link that is featured in most messages from Move America Forward.

Melanie knows that you should milk every opportunity to its max. The gigantic struggle against evil in Berkeley prompted her to exhort her minions with mass mailings on February 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 14, 15, 18, 19, 21, and 22. I'm sure you feel safer already.