Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Today's lesson in rough gay sex

Ignorance embraces bigotry

Some of the lefty blogs are musing over the loss of control that seizes many right-wingers every time they mention gay stuff. This week's prime example first came to my attention via a post by Big Tent Democrat on TalkLeft (who, in turn, picked it up from Matt Yglesias). It's an unbuttoned rant by Ace of Spaces, whose chain was yanked pretty hard by a Glenn Greenwald piece on Republican presidential candidates. Greenwald pointed out that the media has an unhealthy fixation on the puffed-up macho posturing of contenders for the GOP standard. Ace of Spades sought to rip Greenwald a new one by mocking Greenwald's writing style (apparently effeminately complicated) and decrying Greenwald's denigration of male pundits who slaver at the prospect of a true alpha male as the Republican nominee. Besides which, Ace of Spades wants us to know, Greenwald is a pussy. Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that:
Not that I'm saying homosexuality is incompatible with masculinity, of course. Consenting biweekly to having one's duodenum battered with the manic hydraulic fury of a tricked-out V-12 jackhammer manned by an epileptic Con-Ed worker with an ancestral oath of vengeance against asphalt would, I think, tend to butch one up, at least as regards one's pain threshold.

Boy, that Ace of Spades really has a gift for painting a scene with effeminately complicated words. He gives lapidarian attention to each facet of his obsessive-compulsive diatribe. (He even knows they do it twice a week. Perhaps his apartment has thin walls and his pillows are insufficiently fluffy to block out the noise as he whimpers in bed.) Yeah, Ace really lets it all hang out.

All the better to reveal his ignorance (as well as his unhealthy insecurities). As he waxes rhapsodic during his imaginative description of homosexual intercourse, Ace of Spades reveals that he thinks gay men have duodenal sex. This is a particularly amusing bit of pseudo-intellectual posturing. Ace was probably thinking (perhaps while preening in front of a full-length mirror), “Ha! I'll show those nancy boys! I'll unsheath my brilliant mind and smash the little maggots with my huge vocabulary!” Sadly, not all of his words mean what he thinks they mean.

Where and what is the duodenum? It's a short but important section of the small intestine, the initial stretch that links the stomach to the rest of the bowel. The duodenum lies nestled under the stomach, right in the middle of one's torso, as shown in the illustration. Ace of Spades thinks you can screw it. With a minimum of research, I have refuted him.

Ace's comment gave me a good laugh when I first read it at TalkLeft, where I left a short comment:
Not what they think (5.00 / 3) (#21)
by Zeno on Sun Jun 17, 2007 at 08:17:16 PM EST

Duodenum? They think gay guys have duodenal sex? Geez. I guess when you have your head that far up your ass, it must seem feasible.

End of lesson.

5 comments:

Porlock Junior said...

Duodenal, hell. He has his head so far up his ass, he can't see with his mouth closed.

Deep Thought said...

Uh - you do realize that Ace of Spades is a humor/satire blog, right?

Zeno said...

Uh, deep thought, so is this!

Except better.

Anonymous said...

Have you considered it was a calculated use of hyperbole? Your response makes you look like a anal-retentive, humorless dupe.

Zeno said...

A calculated use of hyperbole? Yes, I considered it. But Ace of Spades is a lousy humorist who thinks vicious caricature is entertaining. How did you fail to notice that? (I have a good guess.) And he doesn't know where the duodenum is, either.